The Death Of My Father

I believe it’s so important that we share our stories with each other to draw comfort, inspiration, and wisdom from them and to help us better navigate life.

I always knew it was coming, I just didn’t know when. Death, that is. It’s rudely brushed past me before, but it’s easy to distance yourself when it’s someone else’s loved one. When it’s your loved one, when someone from your inner circle exits, death is no longer a curiosity and an occasion to show empathy, but a piercing of the heart. I had no idea that I would be consumed by it, that my dad’s face would take up residence in my mind, and that his departure would so ravage my thinking that keeping track of anything would become a considerable challenge.

Death isn’t pretty. My dads death was wholly unexpected. Growing up as a kid, I was my dads favorite daughter. Being the last born and the child from his old age, I guess he loved me even more. I grew up having a rosy life, my dad was doing all he could to give his children the very best. My dad was my number 1 supporter, my number 1 fan, always sided me, would pick up a fight with anyone who literally wants to ride me. Lol. He was the best father anyone could ever wish for. He wasn’t biased or judgmental, even dealing with other people. I was daddy’s little girl. Everything my dad, my dad this, my dad that. I loved my dad that much that I could tell him everything. He was an easy person, anyone could easily have a conversation with him without being scared. Lol. My dad pampered me, gave me everything I ever needed, he made life comfortable for me. He made sure I had everything a little girl should have.

I would gist and laugh with my dad. I remember growing up, whenever I offended him, I would write a letter to him in a paper, telling him how nice he is, how good of a father he is, telling him he loves me and I am sorry, asking for forgiveness. He would read my letter and call me then give me a hug and ask me not to do it again. He kept those letters for a while probably discarded them later. He was my gossip partner, I can remember how I was bullied in my secondary school by a guy, very old lol. My dad got mad when I told him and showed up at my school the following day, threatening the guy, I mean he wouldn’t even dare come close to me. My dad showed up at all my inter-house sport. He would come cheering me up, shouting my name from the midst of crowd, applauding me, he would wait and then take me back home. He was invested in everything I did as a kid.

I can’t count how many surprise visit I received from my dad at school. He would buy my favorite snacks and bring it to my school. Lol. I was really really pampered by my dad. He would help me memorize bible verses and when it’s time to recite, the sight of him made me do better with his thumbs up 👍, and his incredible smile 😊. I grew older and so did he, I remember my dad buying me my first set of bras cause I requested for them even when I didn’t even have enough breast to carry it 😃. I could remember when my mum had to travel out and I was with my dad, oh yes, he cooked for us. My dad was taking good care of me that I didn’t even miss my mum. We would sing together, praise God together, stroll down our street together. Of course, everyone had to notice I and my dad, they would call me in my native language daddy’s wife (iyawo daddy) lol. Everywhere you see my dad, most likely I am beside him. I was his PA. Lol. I would pray for my dad and then he would buy me whatever I wanted. I had the best childhood with my dad. I have so many good memories about my dad.

And then I clocked 13, became a teenager and death just had to take him away from me. I never knew that was the last birthday we’d ever celebrate together. In may 2009, he felt sick briefly and was rushed to the hospital the following day, I could remember that morning, I was going to school and the school bus was outside waiting for me. I asked him, daddy will I see you when I come back? He said he was going to the hospital. Oh my dad was sick, I was too little to really know how badly he was. On getting to the hospital, we were told that he suffered from a severe heart attack, that made almost 90% of his heart stop functioning. We heard different stories from the hospital which till date I don’t know if it was true. From his heart being clothed to the part where 90% wasn’t functioning. How he had to be on oxygen to breath. I remember vividly the first and last time I saw him was on children’s day. I was only 13 years old. The child I was, innocently was playing with him cracking all sort of Jokes. He reassured me that by Gods grace he would be back home to me the day after or two days after cause he was feeling better.

I never knew that was the last time I would ever see him, his beautiful smile, the way he looked so young and handsome. I never got the chance to be by his side while he went through all the struggle he went through. I mean, he always felt that his faith was strong enough, he believed so much in God and faith that he would get better. I keep being puzzled as to why God allowed someone he loved so much die that way. I had a lot of questions to ask. Why did God take him? This wasn’t Gods plan for him, God knows it all, he knew a day like this will come. What happened to all the promises God made to him? These are questions I might never have the answer to. I watched my mum become a shadow of herself, I saw the look on my mums face each time she came back home, sorrow was always written all over her face, she would be unhappy, but I was a child and didn’t know how to help her or support her. She kept hoping the sickness would be over and he could come back home to his family. But that never happened. A week after he was hospitalized he kept telling my mum how he wanted to see his baby girl, I could see the excitement and joy in her eyes that he wanted to see me and had constantly being asking after me. He was desperate to see me, he said he had missed me. At this point I guess he knew he was going to die. Only God knows what he wanted to tell me. Being his last born, last child, I was super excited that I was going to see my dad.

I was jumping up and down, I would see my best friend, the only one I trusted to tell anything and everything to. My dad would never judge a soul, he was the kindest of all, the best father to all his children, a man of principle, very compassionate, generous, brave, supportive, tender hearted, a man of integrity, very attentive, very hopeful, very forgiving, very reliable, a man full of love for his children and family, a man with a baby heart, a man who cared so much about others, he tried in his little way to assist those he could assist. He was the best husband to my mother, I saw how my dad loved my mum unconditionally, she was indeed his better half , his missing rip, he was a man loved by many, he was a man who would go to any length to make anyone happy.

But sadly as I got into the car, I got the call I never imagined, that he was dead. Oh! I cried my life out, I cried because I knew I would never see him again. But little did I know what that pain felt like to my mother, my mum felt her world had come to an end. She felt there wasn’t any point living life again. She felt all hope was lost. It was really hard for my mum, from being a house wife with 3 kids. It was hard. It was really hard.

heart

As time passed, she knew she had to pick up the pieces together, she had to be strong for we her kids, my mum made sure I and my siblings didn’t lack anything. From being a full time house wife to being an entrepreneur. My mum had to start a little business at least to feed her family, but I guess God has a way of compensating his own. I grew up faster than I should have, I had to become my mums pillar, I had to always help my mum, talk to her, be with her, comfort her, I had to put my pain aside to help my mum. I was the only one most times in the house with my mum, so you can imagine what I went through. How I had to constantly be strong for my mum, how I had to constantly make my mum happy, how I had to be her adviser, how I had to be her confidant, how I had to be a shoulder to lean on.

I became my mums best friend , she had no one to talk to or share her pains with, I became that person, I had to constantly help my mum fill in the gap of her late husband , so yes it was tough on me. I couldn’t show my emotions out to anyone because I never wanted to see my mum break down. I had to constantly battle with my feelings to help my mother. I remember my elder brother, he came home every weekend to be with my mum and myself to assist her in every possible way. He’d go back to his hostel every Sunday and return back home every Friday. This happened till he graduated from school. He’d follow my mum to the market to assist her in buying her goods. He was always ready to give any support he could to her.

This is the 11th year since I lost my dad and guess what, I and my siblings are doing great, my mum is an entrepreneur who has staffs working for her, from being a full time house wife. Oh the last 8 years was hard for her, sending all her kids to school, no support from anyone, she single handedly raised 3 beautiful kids who are all doing fine. I still deal with the pain, I am trying to find a way of letting out all the emotions I had in me for these good 11years, not being able to express how my dads death affected me, it was hard for me but here I am, never taught I would ever have the courage to tell people I don’t have a dad. This was something I constantly kept denying cause I didn’t want anyone looking at me pitifully. But I had good memories with my dad and honestly that has been keeping I and my siblings going. The life we lived with my dad taught us a great lesson. They say your life flashes before your eyes when you have a near-death experience. I would say this happens at the death of a loved one, too.

I don’t think I’ll ever be done grieving the loss of my dad. I share his DNA and we did life together. He shaped who I am like few others. His absence is incomprehensible. He’s part of me and not even death can diminish this. I’ll long to see him again for as long as I live. It’s a good thing God has a reunion planned. I hear it’s gonna be out of this world!

Don’t ever let any circumstance weigh you down, the death of losing a loved one, is unimaginable but I can assure you there’s nothing you can’t conquer. If I and my family can overcome this then I believe anyone can. For those of you who haven’t been able to open up and speak about the death of your loved one because of the hurt, I understand you, it is okay to take your time. Heal at your pace, don’t forget, there’s nothing that is happening to you that hasn’t happened to Someone else. I can assure you, you will overcome too. And you will come out stronger. You can feel free to reach me if you ever want to talk to someone, or need a friend who’s going to listen to you, someone who has been through the same issues with you, I am always available, ready to listen and help as much as possible. I am rooting for those who have lost someone dear to them, our only assurance is that their legacy lives on and they are in a better place. I love you all 🖤. Reach me on trueliving356@gmail.com if you need me.

149 thoughts on “The Death Of My Father

  1. I understand how difficult it must have been to your mum to be able to raise you and make you what you are today…It’s good you shared to be able to let go atleast a percent of your pain…Much power to your entire family…We do empathise with you and sympathise but it is you people who go through all of it…It must have been a difficult journey but long way to go…Much love:)

    Liked by 9 people

  2. You are a brave daughter of the brave mother, with time everything heals, your father, seeing you from heaven, must be very proud of you, as we all are 😊😊, very beautifully written and if you, ever need a friend to talk with, you will always find me by your side. Stay blessed, stay safe 😊😊

    Liked by 7 people

  3. It becomes very hard to bear when both of you were very close. I believe time heals. It’s great to lean on the good memories.. times you share together and think that he’s still around in those memories.
    I stopped mourning over my brother when he came to my dream and told me he was not dead. I believe he’s not dead, he lives in another realm.

    Liked by 7 people

  4. I can relate because my dad died when I was 13 too. My mum was a house wife aswell and so she had to start working when he died which was difficult for her because she was still grieving, I was the oldest sister and felt like I had to take care of my mum and be a friend to her because she had no one to talk to about it. It’s strange how similar our situations were, anyway beautifully written and wonderful to read!

    Liked by 8 people

    1. Our situation is pretty much similar except for the fact that I was the only girl and the last born. I felt I had to always be there for my mum and even till date, my dads death brought us together. I always want to make my mum happy and please her at all cost. Cause I don’t know where I’d be without my mum. She’s had molded me into the lady that I am today. Super grateful to God and my mum most especially. The only consolation we have is they are far better place than this cruel world. So we can be at peace with ourselves, knowing that they lived a good life on earth. And my dads legacy will always live on. ❤️

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yeah I get where you’re coming from and I suppose it’s true there’s always a positive in anything negative and so even though it was awful that your dad had to die, it brought you closer to your mum, and I think the same happened for me. I love your positive outlook by the way 😊 and you’re right his legacy lives on and he’ll always be remembered.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. Thank you so much. I am also glad that it brought about something really positive to your life. Something you can’t get anywhere. Cheers to our loved ones resting in the blossom of the Lord🥂.

        Liked by 2 people

  5. This is one of the most beautiful, full of love post I’ve ever read. You brought tears in my eyes….the love you have for your loving father, the love he showers upon you & the whole family from heaven and the way you became the pillar / rock of the family, supporting your mother & being her friend. It’s amazing & simply beautiful.

    I wrote a couple of poems on my loving father & beloved mother, who passed away, quite close to each other (within 2 years). The memories would always stay with me. I’m sharing some of the poems with you. Hope it’s OK…

    https://navinspoems.com/2019/08/22/my-beloved/

    https://navinspoems.com/2019/02/06/my-dearest-mom/

    And then last year in Nov 2019, I got hit by brain hemorrhage. Being a father of my two sons & a husband to my loving wife, things have changed for me. Every single day I fall & rise up but I’m not ready to give up. I’m taking baby steps, learning several things as a new born. The amazing thing is that, it’s like I sub-consciously saw it coming. Read Trip-Track before Bleeding & check the dates.

    https://navinspoems.com/2019/11/02/trip-track/

    https://navinspoems.com/2019/11/12/bleeding-numbers/

    Thank you very much for your beautiful sharing, True Living. You are indeed true living.
    Much love ❤️

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Wow, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. It’s really a tough experience. I hope and pray you get better. I am sure you are a strong and courageous man. I know a lot of people who have gone through what you went through and didn’t come out well. The fact that you are willing to move on with life despite the challenges you are currently facing is really wonderful. May God give you the strength you need to get you to where you want to be. I am rooting for you . Will definitely go through the poems, I am sure I will love it 😊.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. The death of a loved one is one of the hardest to let go. We are all stock with the beautiful memories that we have of them. It’s not easy but I can assure you, you will definitely be fine. Take time it heal gradually, don’t force yourself. It’s okay to breakdown occasionally if need be but make sure you come out stronger each time. I am always here if you ever need a friend to talk to , a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear. 🤍.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know exactly how you feel and I guarantee you that it will get better. You will come out stronger. This is just the beginning of greater things for you. Don’t hesitate to message me if you ever want to talk. 🤍

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for this post, with which I can empathize. I explained why in a longer comment a few hours ago, but when I clicked “POST COMMENT”, it didn’t ‘take’ (perhaps it ended up in SPAM).

    Liked by 5 people

  7. You really poured your heart out ! That in itself may help you on the road to healing. From experience, I know you will never forget this wonderful man , your beloved father. Talking about him will sometimes bring tears to your eyes but I pray remembering the good times will make you even more proud of him. Glad to hear your mom was able to bring up her children without help. I know widows and orphanage God’s special people and he cares deeply for them. God bless you and your family.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It means a whole lot to me. Thank you. I hope this helps other people realize that, there’s absolutely no situation they can’t overcome. All they need is time, love and care. They need to heal at that pace. It took me 11 good years to be able to finally express myself. So I know it’s not easy for people like me that are going through Similar situation. I pray God gives us all the strength to overcome.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I felt like going through my own life. We are also 3 kids to our parents. I am the youngest. Dad’s unexpected death, being mon’s friend and an elder brother there to support. My story is almost the same. We might learn to live without them. But, not a day pass without remembering them. Isn’t it?

    Your mother is a very strong person. My love and respect to her. Wishing you and your family all the happiness and good health in life!

    Liked by 8 people

    1. He will always be in my heart, a day doesn’t go by that I don’t remember him. His memory is still very fresh to me like it was just yesterday. But I am glad I have a very supportive family. And I have good friends all around me. I am glad you are also doing better and very fine. I am sorry you had to go through what you went through. Indeed it not easy. But with love and care from people that matter the most to us, we will overcome. 🤍.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a whole lot, I am really happy. I will definitely write my post about myself. I am glad I was able to help a lot of young people. That’s the main aim. To help and assist in my best possible way.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. You are most welcome. Remember you are never alone, I am here to help in any possible way that I can. Just message me @ trueliving356@gmail.com. if you ever need someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, a listening ear, someone who has gone through a similar experience, I will be just available to help. 🤍.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m thankful that inspite of the pain of losing your dad, that your faith remains in God and that He has taken care of your family. A really emotional and powerful post here. You have been open and honest in every blog you have lost here and the only way I can show my appreciation to you is by nominating you for the LIEBSTER Award – go to my LIEBSTER Award x2 blog post for details! I look forward to reading your response to my questions upon acceptance of the award! God continue to keep your family strong and together! 😃🙏💛

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so very much. Well what can I do than to keep having faith in God. He is unquestionable. He’s the one who has the last say. He’s the one who giveth and taketh. He’s the owner of our lives. Thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate. 🤍.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you. I don’t know your name but I really appreciate your openess, honesty and desire to help others who have gone through similar experiences. You are truly blessed and a blessing to us all! 😃🙏💛

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you so much. I am always willing to help and that’s what this blog is all about. I hope my life can inspire a lot of people. I hope a lot of people feel free to talk to me about whatsoever that is bothering them. Helping others is my priority. I am glad I am a source of blessing you you all. So much love 🤍.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. onjour FRANCOISE

    Bonnes fêtes Aux MAMANS

    Quoi de plus beau d’offrir un peu de tendresse
    Elle s’accompagne souvent d’une parole, d’un regard ou d’un geste
    Quoi de plus beau d’offrir un peu de douceur
    Elle réchauffe le cœur
    Quoi de plus beau que de t’offrir une fleur par la pensée
    Chaque pétale est un lien d’amitié
    La tendresse est l’expression de l’amour qui nous apporte le bonheur
    Les plus belles paroles sont celles dites avec douceur
    Quoi de plus beau que recevoir un bouquet de fleurs aux milles senteurs
    Dans lequel reflètent de jolies couleurs
    Ceci est un sentiment d’affection et d’amour, remplit de douceur et de délicatesse
    Avec un grand moment d’émotion
    On ne peut vivre sans tendresse et douceur
    Ces sentiments sont comme de l’eau qui nous permet de survivre
    Quoi de plus beau d’offrir son sourire est de le partager donner le avec bonté
    Ces mots je viens les partager avec toi j’espère qu’ ils te seront chers
    Bonne journée, belles fêtes des Mères aux MAMANS
    En ayant une grosse pensée pour notre maman partie depuis longtemps dans le monde des anges
    Bisous Bernard
    Bonne fin de journée ou soirée

    Liked by 2 people

    1. merci beaucoup j’apprécie vraiment. merci d’avoir pris le temps de lire. les mères sont le meilleur cadeau de Dieu. nous avons été conçus à travers eux. je suis content d’avoir ma maman à côté de moi tout au long du chemin. je l’aime en morceaux et je ne sais pas ce que ma vie aurait été sans elle. shes mon monde. bonne journée à toi aussi 😊.

      Like

  11. A beautiful tribute to your father! It is never easy loosing a parent. My Dad has been gone 12 years, and I still miss him every single day! Your Dad will remain with you always – you are a part of him, he is a part of you in Spirit, and, as you said, he is in your DNA. You are always surrounded by his love! My deepest condolences for your loss so many years ago, and at such a young age. ❤ Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal, and inspirational story of your love for your father! ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I am so sorry for your loss. It’s never easy losing a loved one. It’s one of the hardest feeling ever. But our hope is they are in a much better and safer place. We will always love them and their memory will always be with us. Their legacy will always live on. I still miss him every single day. His birthday is on the 11th of this month and his remembrance was just yesterday making it 11 years since he went to see his maker. But I am still always thankful and grateful for the life he lived. Thank you so much for your kind words it really means a lot to me. I am indeed happy hearing those words.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much for your kind comments. ❤ It appears that "11" is significant for you, then, this month (a Divine number!)! I am sure your Dad's remembrance was a beautiful moment for you, and I know he feels your love! Wishing you much peace! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Mia madre é stata quella della persona che tu descrivi.
    Sono passati alcuni anni e mi mancano le sue carezze le sue risate i suoi suggerimenti il suo modo unico vedere la parte della della vita Anche nel buio.
    Noi vivremo in eterno se sapremo lasciare in chi ci vive accanto pezzetti di noi indissolubi.
    Ti abbraccio
    Shera

    Liked by 2 people

    1. mi dispiace tanto che hai dovuto passare attraverso quello che hai fatto. è davvero un dolore travolgente. la loro memoria rimarrà sempre con noi. il buon momento che abbiamo trascorso insieme li custodiremo sempre. Quando rifletteremo sulla vita vissuta, saremo sempre grati e grati. Rimarranno sempre nei nostri cuori.🤍.

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  13. Bravo for your mother and for ALL the insight you gained. (Though I am sorry you lost your dad.) I lost my dad last year, and my mom two years before. I get it. When going through that, it is probably never easy, but like you said, we know they go on to a better place. My mom had Alzheimer’s, so her last few years were very difficult. My dad was her sole caregiver. Now, they are together healthy in the Grand Beyond. At least, that is my belief. ❤️🦋🌀🙏☀️💦🌱

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. I am so sorry you have to deal with the death of your parents this way. I know how hard that must be for you. And I know it’s not easy. But our only consolation is that they are in a better place away from the pain and sorrow of this world. May God keep comforting we that are left behind 🤍

      Liked by 1 person

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