Forgiveness

Uncategorized 1 Minute

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. Many of us have been hurt, felt offended, and we keep telling ourselves we forgive our offenders but the honest truth is most of us don’t really genuinely forgive our offenders. My question is

1.) how do you know you have genuinely forgiven someone who really hurt you?

2.) how do you forgive someone you love that constantly keep hurting you

3.) when you forgive , do you have difficulties being friends with the person who has hurt you?

Let’s have a conversation.

Published by True Living

Published

168 thoughts on “Forgiveness”

  1. Truly insightful, I actually needed the reminder of forgiveness today and it’s benefits because sometimes o just don’t want to forgive and even more hard is the forgetting aspect.

    Liked by 15 people

    Reply

    1. It’s really hard to forgive someone who hurts you over and over again. This is a reminder that I feel you should forgive, for your peace and sanity. Not because the person deserves it or the person was apologetic but because you know what true peace of mind is. For the sake of your wellbeing I think it’s best to just forgive.

      Liked by 4 people

      Reply

  2. Forgiving immediately the person who is hurting us more is little difficult. We can forget about that person or incident and concentrate on things we like as reading, listening spending time with loved ones after sometimes that will become small and we will forgive them automatically

    Liked by 12 people

    Reply

    1. You are very right. Forgiving is really hard. We can only distract ourselves for a little while. I still feel the reality of the wrong doings will always come back to us. Which is why it’s important to genuinely forgive these people so that we can have a feee mind and peace. You don’t necessarily have to forget but try our possible way to forgive.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  3. Forgiving is the hardest……especially when the person hurts again and again…. Even if tried to forget… But the broken feeling the incident or person gave can’t be erased.. And when the person pokes you just can’t do nothing to avoid

    Liked by 14 people

    Reply

    1. I thought I was the only one who feels this way. The honest truth is the only reason as to why we get hurt by what people do to us is the fact that these are people we have regard for. People we love, people we let into our lives, if we didn’t let them into our lives, I don’t think they will have that much hold on us. I don’t think a mere stranger can hurt us in anyway, most likely ignore or let go. But when it’s coming from someone we love or care about it’s actually way difficult to forgive especially when they do it repeatedly and they don’t even realize that they are hurting us even when we tell them we are hurt by their actions. They always feel that they are right, so unless they reflect on the event that happened and see reasons as to why what they did hurt us only then will they come around and be like they are sorry so it doesn’t even matter if you tell them they are hurt. They don’t care until they can admit it to themselves which makes it even harder. I feel it’s best to just let people like that go away from you. We are way better without them, than with them.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. That’s a good believe. But I believe overtime, they just become past memories and time makes it easy for us to forget. Time heals majorly everything. I am glad you forgive. It’s the best thing we can do for ourselves. 😊

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply

    1. That’s the point. Time heals everything. With time they will become past memories. You don’t have to be friends with the person if they aren’t giving you good vibes and energy. If they aren’t adding any positive values to you. Let them go. But I am glad you were able to forgive, I know with time it would be easier to forget. 😊.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  9. I can’t tell what forgiveness is. Does it mean to forget about it before the offender changes their behavior? Before they start pretending they did?

    Liked by 11 people

    Reply

    1. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you necessarily have to forget. Forgiveness is freeing your mind and soul of the hurt and pain that the offender has caused you. Don’t expect them to even ask for forgiveness in most cases. We forgive for our peace of mind. I know it’s really hard but it’s not impossible. Don’t expect them to change for you, because some of them are always in denial about what they did wrong. They never want to admit their wrongs and apologize for it. And the more they make us feel this way, the harder it becomes to forgive and move pass it. So dearie, if anyone had hurt you in the past, write what they did on a paper, go through why it really did hurt you and when you feel better cross it out, tell yourself they aren’t even worth the pain I am going through. There’s so much than me sitting right here and hurting over someone who isn’t even worth it. I hope you have genuine peace after forgiving your offenders.

      Like

      Reply

      2. Lol. I don’t think so. As long as you know within you, that you’ve forgiven them. You don’t have to be friends anymore with them. You can go ahead and restrict them. It’s okay. Maybe you don’t want them in your private life which is totally fine. Forgiveness is hard, a lot of people think they’ve genuinely forgiven their offenders whereas they haven’t. Lol. But I hope you have the courage to forgive all those who have wrong you even without their apology.

        Like

      3. I don’t want them to haunt me in my mind or any other way. They just become past. But it will take me a long time to understand what does it mean to forgive.

        Liked by 3 people

      4. For you to feel free within you. For you to free them from your mind, you have to forgive them, so you don’t feel they can haunt you in any form. When you forgive, it becomes a thing of the past. They don’t affect your present anymore. Don’t worry, just take your time, forgive at your pace.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely correct. When forgiving I think it’s best to think about yourself, for your sanity and peace of mind. Most of our offenders are always unapologetic. So we forgive for us. For ourselves.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  11. An AOG pastor once defined forgiveness as “giving up your right to hurt back”. I always think about that, but I’m not sure I believe it. For me, true forgiveness only happens when each of us stops letting the hurt impact our lives. As a sexual abuse survivor by a family member, it took me 10 or so years from the first time I actually received an apology to the day I was able to lovingly look him in the eyes and say, “It’s over”. That abuse ruled my life in many ways I was aware of and in many ways I wasn’t aware of. I think 10 years must be the ‘time’ for me to forgive, since 5 years ago someone in the family who claims to be an amazing Christian said the most unchristian like words to me in front of others. Five years later, it still makes me angry. The person has never acknowledged how hurtful it was, and I choose to no longer have a relationship with them. I love every person as a human being, but some people, I have learned in the past few years, I simply have to love from a distance.

    Liked by 10 people

    Reply

    1. I know just exactly how you feel. And the truth is it’s really hard to forgive. Forgiveness happens when you stop letting the hurt affect your life negatively. The truth is, it’s easier to let something go when the offender apologizes. But how many of our offenders even apologize for what they did wrong? How many even realize that what they did is wrong? I am of the believer that if someone hurt you, take your time to cry, and feel hurt but don’t wait for an apology from your offender. It does more harm than good cause this means you are giving them a huge part of your life, you would still be in pain and still hurt till they say they are sorry. Forgive them to free your mind. Forgive them not because they deserve it or are worth it but you know what your peace of mind means to you. Forgive so you can move on without giving them the right to hurt you again. You don’t have to keep a relationship with these people. I use to have a friend who hurt me pretty bad, and till date I didn’t receive any apology. I forgave her and I found it easy to even move on without her in my life. When I think about it, all I see is just past memories. It doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. Honestly when someone hurts you think about yourself. And forgive for you.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  12. I am proud of you, and the strength you have to genuinely forgive someone who abused you in such a way. It shows how courageous you are. Your strength is beyond measures. I am really happy you’ve been able to move pass it. And you are in a better place right now.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      2. I think you need to know what you would want your blog to be all about. A little briefing about what the blog is about will help your followers. For a start, you can tell us your purpose behind creating this blog. I hope this is helpful 😊.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. I think before saying goodbye, you need to forgive your offenders. You don’t have to maintain a good relationship with them. Even God said in his word that we should forgive those who offend us even as our Heavenly Father forgives us our sins too. Nobody is perfect. People would offend us and hurt us, it’s in our place to forgive them and know how to relate with them and not let what they did to us get the better version of who we are.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Very altruistic, yes forgive and move away and don’t let yourself be hurt over and over. Sending you love ❤️

        Liked by 4 people

  15. Before forgive someone ,first of all you have to forgive yourself.It requires a big heart ♥️ and high level of thinking to forgive someone like lord Gautam Buddha, Jesus or Mahavir.To forgive is not quality of ordinary person but one who is brave, extraordinary and on the way of salvation can do this….!

    Liked by 10 people

    Reply

    1. I totally agree with this. You are 💯 percent right. We need to forgive ourselves in order to be able to forgive our offenders. May God give us the grace and the strength we need to forgive those who forgive us.

      Like

      Reply

  17. Try to determine why you are upset. Is it because you have been treated unfairly, perhaps discourteously? Or is it because you feel that the other person deliberately attempted to hurt you? Was his or her action really so bad? Analyzing and understanding the reason for your reaction will allow you to consider what would be the best. Such reasoning may help you to be more objective and willing to forgive

    Liked by 7 people

    Reply

    1. I couldn’t agree less to everything you’ve said. You have a good point and you are very right. Thank you for this eye opening post, will make sure to do this whenever I feel that way. Thank you 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  18. 1) I knew it the moment I was conquered over my depression.
    2) Still being friends but now I have confessed how she hurt me in the past and now I don’t like to repeat myself anymore.
    3) In beginning, I faced difficulties. But now I realized I never did something wrong to feel guilty about. So now, I am free of worries

    Liked by 8 people

    Reply

    1. I am glad you were able to conquer your depression. That is the most difficult thing to do in situations like this. This shows how strong you are. I am proud of you that you fought the depression. It’s a really brave thing to do. When people hurt us, we shouldn’t put so much burden on ourselves. We shouldn’t always put the blame on ourselves that we are the cause of their actions. I am glad you had the courage to confront her about how she made you feel, I am sure that must have eased the tension and burden on you. I love your courage and strength and I hope this will help a lot of us face out fears and conquer them. And most importantly don’t allow our fears consume the better part of us. I am proud of you 🤍

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

    1. I know that’s why I had to put it out to get opinions of others. To teach and learn from others especially for those who have difficulties forgiving and letting go. A lot of us need to learn how to move on without always feeling guilty or blaming ourselves for what happened. I hope with these comments a lot of us have been able to pick one or two important points.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. You are very right but not everyone has that courage. Not everyone knows they aren’t even wrong. It’s really a lot to forgive yourself but that’s the first step into healing. We need to be able to forgive ourselves for whatever happened.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  24. Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. The injured party chooses not to allow the wound — however deep — to overshadow his/her life any longer. Forgiveness drains bitterness away. It does not necessarily restore trust. That must be earned by the offending party. Some relationships can never be restored.

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

    1. Wow. That must have been very hard on you. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. It must have been really difficult on you. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I am sure forgiving him was hard for you but I am glad you had the courage to free yourself from that bondage. I am glad you were able to realize that whatever happened was never your fault. I am sorry you went through that. But I am glad you forgave him even despite the stigma and hurt you must feel right now. But I can assure you that it will get better. 🤍

      Like

      Reply

  27. Forgiveness is as much for yourself as for the other person. Once you give them safe passage in your mind, you are no longer affected by the hurt or slight. It takes so much energy to hold on to resentment. Wouldn’t you prefer to put your feelings and attention elsewhere? Once we accept human imperfection in ourselves and others, it is easier to forgive.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  29. Good afternoon. First thing is forgiveness is something we have to do for ourselves. This cause be very hard and cause a lot of pain. My favorite scripture is “continue putting up with one another freely, forgiving one another” (Colossians 3:13,14). It also helps seeing a positive outlook on how forgiveness will benefit us❤️ thank you for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. As much as I agree with you. Forgiveness is hard. It’s not as easy as you make it seem. It’s really hard to forgive those who constantly keep hurting you.

      Like

      Reply

  30. I know I’ve genuinely forgiven when I don’t avoid a conversation if initiated by the person who hurt. It’s quite difficult though. I’m not sure about the other two.

    Good post!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. I quite agree with you. But I want to believe you can still have a conversation initiated by the offender even when you are hurt. Some people don’t shy away from things like that and some people are really good at hiding their emotions. It doesn’t mean they aren’t hurt. It’s really difficult and I think people deal with hurt differently. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with hurt cause we are all different. I know it’s hard to forgive someone who has hurt us and might still be hurting us but we forgiving them is for our good. We consider us and think fo is when forgiving them.

      Like

      Reply

      1. Offenders aren’t always someone whom we can avoid completely. I don’t hide my emotions, instead confront.

        You’re right. Forgiving is hard, but for the good in many cases.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think it depends on the kind of relationship you have with the person, that will determine if they are someone we can easily avoid. The relationship with the offender does really matters. It’s really a good thing not to hid our emotions. It’s healthy spilling it out and letting it all out to ease ourselves, and it helps healing easy. I am not a party to bottling up or piling up emotions cause it’s so bad for our health and the outcome is always messy. So I am a believer of , if someone has done anything to hurt you or offend you, tell the person. You aren’t telling them for their apology, you are telling them to free your mind and have a clear conscience. Sometimes our offenders don’t really care if we are hurt by their actions or words that’s why when confronting them, don’t expect anything in return from them so we don’t get more hurt or more disappointed.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. True. Reactions may not be welcoming always. But sometimes, the offender might not have known his/her actions hurt us. In that case, spilling out and making them understand helps.

        I’ve just recently written a post on a similar topic, confrontation. Do check it out if you are interested.

        Good Day to you!

        Liked by 1 person

  31. Reblogged this on Coming of Age For Men and commented:
    Thank you for sharing this thought-provoking post about “Forgiveness.” For me, I would know if I genuinely forgive someone who hurt me by praying to God for a forgiving heart. Telling God specifically all of the hurtful things the person did to me and forgiving them too, for that person don’t know what they do. Next, if I were to forgive someone who I love that constantly keeps hurting me, I would have to love them unconditionally. Going to marriage therapy and develop a healthy communication with my future wife will help keep our union intact. Finally, when I forgive someone, I never have any difficulties with friends or loved ones who hurt me. Why? Because I am a type of person who would encourage and comfort you with no anger, resentment, or judgment. All of us are not perfect, but only God is. Thank you for starting this conversation! It’s needed 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Firstly, I am glad for the man that you are and I am happy you handle forgiveness the way you. For many of us it’s the grace of God and his help that enables us to genuinely forgive our offenders without resentment or hatred or whatsoever. But there are thousands of people out there who do not know God and have no idea how to go about forgiving those who have hurt them. It’s really hard on them cause not everybody handles hurt pretty well. People handle hurt differently. And the truth is it’s only by Gods grace that we can forgive and let go off what our offenders have done to us. But nevertheless it’s not as easy as you make it seem. It’s not a day or two days that helps us. It’s consistency. The Bible’s says pray without season. So this means even when we feel the hate and hurt and resentment we have to keep on going to God in prayer for as long as we can until we feel genuinely free off the burden, off the hurt, off the hate. And this is not something that happens in a day. It takes time, it takes patient and continuous prayer for those who believe that God can help us overcome our feelings. Personally when I am hurt and I want to talk to God all I do is cry, I cry it all out till I feel lighter and then I pray to God to give me the grace to forgive those who hurt me. And I take a step further once I am sure I have no bitterness in me. I tell my offenders what they did wrong and how I have forgiven them even without them knowing or without an apology from them. Not everyone can do this. Not everyone has the strength to do this. Confrontation sometimes could be helpful and may not be. Depending on who we are dealing it. But however in whatever we do, let’s always put God first and acknowledge him. He said he will direct our path. So let’s trust him to help us in every area of our lives that we have difficulties in. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Well said, my sister in Christ! All the things you mentioned here is how we should forgive one another. I was able to read the post you did about the death of your father. After reading it, I took a step back and got teary-eyed there. I wish I had that bond with my own father. Although I hoped my relationship with my father and I would be different, I forgive him for not being in my life. Everything happens for a reason and he just wasn’t ready to be a father. All I can do is make sure I don’t do the same mistakes he did and be the opposite. Thank you for sharing your story! You are very inspiring, even to me. I am looking forward to our many conversations about God and life as a whole. Hope all is well with you and your family during this pandemic. Stay blessed 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. About the post of my father, It took me 11 good years to finally open up about how his death affected me. Trust me it’s still a struggle but It gets better. I Wish I could see him and have him around. There are so many things I have going on that I wish I could talk to him about . Being the man and a father that I know him to be would have felt very safe and secure for me. I am sorry your father wasn’t in your life most especially at the crucial stage when you needed him. I don’t think any reason he’d give will ever be justified for his actions. You need a father figure in your life and he wasn’t there. I hope you don’t make the same mistake your father made. I hope you channel this whole energy into being the kind of father you wished your father was to your sons and daughters. I hope you do the things you wished your dad did for you to them. Your dad might have made the mistake but you can correct it with your kids by being a better father than he ever was and he ever will. I know it must have taken a whole lot from you to forgive someone who wasn’t even in your life. That’s difficult and hard, but our Heavenly Father asked us to forgive those who offend us so he also can forgive us. It’s hard but if you do it, you’d never regret it. I hope you give your dad a chance to be in your life and try to make up for those times he never was. I really hope you can help create that bond with your dad even if I know it’s going to be hard on it. Do it at your pace. I am glad you took that bold step of forgiveness and this can encourage a lot of us that forgiveness is vital and essential. It has more advantages than disadvantages. I look forward to our many conversations also. I am sure we would have a whole lot to talk about. Family is great and doing perfectly well thanks to God. I hope you are staying safe and so with your family. My warm regards 😊.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That is wonderful to know! Praise God! My family and I safe and well thanks be to God for his protection and mercy. I prayed that when I do see my father one day, I will be ready to talk to him. It is a pleasure to meet you! My name is Michael :D. Warm regards ^_^.

        Liked by 1 person

  33. This is an area in my life I have had a constant struggle. In my womens group a couple of weeks ago, we spoke of assessing our relationships to 1 Cor 13.4:-7. There are 2 categories: unsafe and safe relationships. Our most purest relationship is with God, and no other relationship will compare. Yet, He has given us the blueprint of what relationships should be. This has helped me
    immensely to make hard decisions of friendships that are empty and just emotionally and spiritually are draining. I am also that person that feels guilty for standing up for myself. In order for me to grasp such a concept as forgiveness there has to be a change of our minds. “And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].”
    ‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭AMP.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. You’ve hit the nail on the head. You’ve said it all. I totally agree with everything you’ve written. The Bible is true and certain. I can’t agree with you less. It’s difficult to forgive especially when we do it our own way. We need the help of God in forgiving other people. We go to God in place of prayer, pouring out our heavy heart to him till the burden is lifted up. He’s there to help us go through it, he’s there to guide us and help us. For the Bible says for all have sin and come short of the glory of God. The same bible says there’s no righteous man on the surface of the earth that sins not. Which means nobody is perfect. God knows that we are always going to offend ourselves and even offend us. It was written bold and clear in the Bible. So everyone who offends us has already been foreseen by God. That’s why we need to go back to him to help us. It’s a very difficult thing to do but that’s what brings peace into our soul. That’s what gives us a clear conscience before the Lord. Son and unforgivness hinders is a lot even from the blessing of God. Have a clear and free mind to all kind. So we can go humbly before the lord and ask for what we need and he shall answer. I really hope we all learn to forgive our offenders. Even when we know they don’t deserve it.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  34. Amen! I am learning that any questions or decisions I mirror them with the word of God above all in our generation today is continually growing in the knowledge of God. One of my favorite words having moral courage, there will be situations where people will not understand why we need to forgive, thats the hardest thing at times.

    Col 3:15 Let the peace of Christ [the inner calm of one who walks daily with Him] be the controlling factor in your hearts [deciding and settling questions that arise]. To this peace indeed you were called as members in one body [of believers]. And be thankful [to God always]. 16 Let the [spoken] word of Christ have its home within you [dwelling in your heart and mind—permeating every aspect of your being] as you teach [spiritual things] and admonish and train one another with all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

    Like

    Reply

  35. 1. There is not even a Need to know if You/I/We have forgiven fully, or from the Heart. If We had ‘Meant’ it, We have forgiven fully. 2. This is where Christ’s ‘Forgive Seven times Seven’ (without keeping count) comes in. 3. We do not ‘Have’ to be friends with everybody! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. As much as I will agree with all other points of yours. Would disagree with point 1. And this is why. Saying it is easy. I can easily tell you I have forgiven you even when I don’t mean it. Same way as anyone can say sorry after they’ve offended me and not mean it. It’s one thing to say those words that you forgive. It’s another thing to actually and genuinely mean those words. I quite understand you. But I guess you expect that once they’ve said it and that means they meant it. But it doesn’t work that way with everyone. Most people just say it for saying sake not everyone really means it. And there could be a lot of reasons as to why people say it and not mean it. But I would love to say, if you don’t mean it then don’t say it. I don’t think it’s justifiable personally to say you’ve forgiven someone and you really don’t mean it. It’s better to let the person know where you stand and trash it out together. Because you won’t be deceiving the offender, you will be deceiving yourself. And even if you lie to your offender you can’t lie to God.

      Like

      Reply

      7. Thank you for responding. …Just went to your site. Find it difficult to navigate and to search. It would help people like me (oldies), if you change your ‘theme,’ so that archive and tags become more visible. Regards.

        Liked by 1 person

  37. I also want to know actually. I have been told I don’t forgive, I just brush things off, that’s why I get angry when certain people or subjects are raised… I have carried pain for years and has matured to resentment. Please help me 🙏😭

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I totally understand where you are coming from. But firstly I would like you to admit that what your offender did to you or said to you, really hurt you and that’s why you reacted the way you did. Secondly it’s okay to be hurt or be mad at those who hurt us, but we can’t go on carrying that hurt cause we would only be hurting ourselves more. That’s why you need to forgive. To truly and genuinely forgive someone who hurt you, you need to admit it to yourself and also come clean about how you feel to yourself offender. Tell the person how you feel and what they did wrong, the reason is so you can let it go and move on. Expressing how you feel helps you. It reduces the rush of anger within you. You need to be ready to learn how to forgive. For you to live freely with yourself, do it for you and not for them. You are not doing it because they are the best or they deserve it. But you know how unforgivness has harmed you and you don’t want that anymore. So when forgiving them do it so even when you see them you can be at peace with yourself. Take your time okay. Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to forget about it instantly. It’s a gradual process and I hope you can do it 😊. I believe you can.

      Like

      Reply

      1. Does having no emotions towards my offender mean I have forgiven them or it’s still me “brushing things off”
        By no emotions I mean, no love, no hate, no care.. You just don’t care whether they exist or not

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s you trying to act or be numb to what they’ve done to you. That doesn’t mean you’ve forgiven them. That’s not forgiveness. Most likely brushing things off. And trust me it’s not even healthy for you. Firstly learn to shop doing that. Be more open , be more expressive. As to how you feel. You don’t need to be in denial about how you feel. It’s really okay to feel these emotions. That’s being human. You would only be doing more harm to yourself.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. You are always welcome. I am glad you are willing to be a better version of yourself. That’s really good to hear. Feel free to message me if you ever need someone to talk to or help you in any form. Here to help as much as I can 🤍.

        Liked by 1 person

  38. Good intention is the key

    1.) how do you know you have genuinely forgiven someone who really hurt you? …….. You will know

    2.) how do you forgive someone you love that constantly keep hurting you ….. By constantly forgiving him or her

    3.) when you forgive , do you have difficulties being friends with the person who has hurt you? …….. Yes

    Keep writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  39. Wow what a thread! I’ve been reading some of these insightful comments and I feel so touched by your post. I agree with Prakaash on, first forgiving ourselves, I know it is very hard to do from personal experience. Well I know some people that have hurt me in the past and then gradually they moved out of my life, I sometimes get lost in thoughts about those moments and like scars they stli remain in my memories.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I know how exactly that feels. I have felt that way too but overtime I am trying to be a better version of myself. No more room for fights or hatred. Life is just too short to be filled be bitterness, anger, resentment. There’s much more to live for.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  40. I feel like there are two basic kinds of forgiveness that I encounter. One is everyday forgiveness that I extend to my husband or my Mom or my best friend or someone I really care about. It is important to forgive so that those relationships can continue to grow.

    Then there is the other type of forgiveness – forgiveness to someone who has been toxic or destructive in my life. The forgiveness is not there to allow the relationship to blossom. That second type of forgiveness is the forgiveness I need to move on – forgiveness to someone who abused me in some way. Either as a small child or as someone in my early twenties.

    To me those two types of forgiveness are very different.

    And then there is the third type of forgiveness – the challenge of forgiving oneself for things done out of illness or in a moment’s despair.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Wow. I learnt something from what you wrote which I find very difficult doing. The first type of forgiveness. I think I needed a reminder. Forgiving someone I really care about, so this prepares me to forgive them everytime, but sometimes I feel too hurt at that point and just don’t want to forgive. Even though I eventually have to but it just takes time. The second kind of forgiveness is completely different and even harder. Forgiving someone who was toxic in my life, it would be easier if the damage hasn’t been long too gone. The third one, I feel everyone deals with this at some point in their lives. I want to start cultivating the habit of forgiving everyone that offends me instantly. It helps a whole lot. Thank you for your comment, it was really impactful and helpful. Picked a couple of things from it. Thank you again for reading, means a lot to me 😊.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. I am so glad this was helpful to you. I have been practicing the first type of forgiveness since I got married almost 20 years ago. I am only now coming to terms with the second type – forgiveness for the toxic person in order to move on. This is new to me as is personal forgiveness. That one is hard to do as well.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I am sure you are doing well and can do better. Well I guess we are all in the learning process. When there’s life there’s hope. We can’t know it all. Taking everyday as it comes and trying to do our best to make sure unforgivness doesn’t destroy something beautiful that we have going on. Unforgivness does more harm to us than even our offenders and that’s the truth. It hinders us from a lot of things than we can imagine. It brings hatred resentment bitterness. And we don’t need all of all these things in our lives. Life is short and too beautiful to allow these things ruin us or what could have been for us. I really hope God gives us the strength we need to forgive all those who has hurt us one way or the other. Who made our lives toxic or who abused us when we knew nothing. It’s really hard and isn’t easy doing these things but with God everything is possible. I am here rooting for you ever step of the way. You can read on my next post about speaking the truth. I hope that can be of help to you 😊

        Like

  41. Thanks for sharing True.living. However,your questions are somewhat relative.
    For me,forgiving and forgetting is a high road we must all try to take inorder to be at peace with ourselves and with life. There’s nothing anyone can do that can’t be forgiven because no one can claim perfection. Once I’m hurt,I present the total truth letter template to the offender and express my feelings in the realest form possible. Apology or no apology,I move on. I’m still able to relate with the person because I’m a very emotional and loyal person by nature.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Wow, this is a very brave thing you do. It’s not easy even expressing ourselves sometimes. I am highly impressed and I wish a lot of us can cultivate this act. Once we feel offended it’s better to express ourselves so we can be at peace. Either they admit their wrongs or not as long as we’ve come clean about how we feel that’s the most important thing. I am really proud of you 🤍.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. Thanks for following. Thanks for reading. And thanks for your contribution. There are other post for you to contribute on. I brought the topic of forgiveness cause I know a lot of us deal with this struggle. As easy as it sounds or seem it’s a very hard thing to do. However it was meant to be an interactive section. Enabling people to talk about their difficulties and how to overcome it. The main aim is to teach everyone that we all need to forgive for our peace. Irrespective of how hurt me might feel it’s better to let go off this hurt at our pace but make sure to forgive. I hope you’ve gained one or two things from this. Thank you 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  44. Forgiveness is something I have struggled with. It’s hard when the individual in question has no empathy for their actions. In my case my name was used online with some mean spirited, explicit and unnecessary content. Six years on, and I do not feel that I can fully forgive but I realise if I don’t than it ruins my life.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Wow. That’s a really difficult one to forgive. I know how it must have real hurt you and maybe got the best out of you. But I feel the power to forgive is in your hands. You have the control over who to forgive and who not to. Sometimes we forgive not because they are apologetic or they deserve our forgiveness but we do it for us. To be at peace with ourselves. It causes more harm to us than to our offenders. They go everyday living a good life and we stay here holding on to bitterness, hatred, resentment. It’s not healthy for us at all. Please my dear, I know it’s not easy considering what you e had to go through but for your peace kindly forgive them when you are ready. It does more harm than good when we hold on to the hurt. It’s better to let it go so we can heal completely and move on from where we were. I hope you find the grace and strength that you need to forgive and move on.

      Like

      Reply

  45. I love this! Is not a coincidence I am actually dealing with this theme in my life this week; Forgiveness. Thank you for posing these questions and sharing this short, but powerful message.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I know exactly how it feel dear. But there’s nothing as good and as relieving as forgiving your offenders even when they don’t deserve it, even when they don’t ask for it. Do it for you. Because you deserve to have a clear conscience and peace of mind. I know it’s difficult but I believe you can do it 😊.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  46. I know that I have forgiven someone who hurt me when 1. I am no longer thinking about what they did to me because I was able to let go of the pain and 2. Hearing their voice, talking to them, or seeing them no longer brings negative feelings to the surface

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. Forgiveness is HARD! It has taken me a long time to understand that forgiveness is not the same as acceptance. I have learned to forgive people but that doesn’t mean I have to or should accept their bad/negative behavior.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Exactly. Forgiveness doesn’t mean I have to tolerate their bad attitude or behaviors. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put them in their spot. Forgiveness is hard. It’s even harder when it has to do with someone you love and have a relationship with cause the truth is you would always get hurt either intentionally or unintentionally and you have to constantly keep forgiving them. It’s really hard

        Liked by 1 person

  47. If you forgive, you should not have difficulties conversing with the person because forgiveness means getting over and letting go completely of those negative emotions. Seeing the person should bring you joy as opposed to a negative sting in the chest. If it does the latter you are yet to truly forgive and you quite literally feel it in your heart.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. I totally agree with you. But then, this happens only when you genuinely forgive the person and you want to remain friends with them. I repeat when you forgive someone, you don’t necessarily need to have anything to do with them. You can be friends with them from a distance. Sometimes even when we forgive, memories always come back and it’s hard to forget. But nevertheless I would encourage us all to learn to really forgive and move pass the hurt and bitterness that they’ve caused us.

      Like

      Reply

  48. I think when you forgive someone you allow them to still be a part of your life but it doesn’t necessarily have to new in the same way as before. I don’t forget what someone has done to me but don’t hold grudges … the memories serve as lessons I guess

    Like

    Reply
  49. Pingback: Forgiveness – Connecting through writing

  50. Wow, this is a wonderful post here friend. You are asking the right questions, the overlooked portions of forgiveness. To answer your question from my perspective. I think we know we have forgiven someone when we wish them well. People who keep offending us time and time again, it might make sense for us to keep some distance from them for the sake of our sanity, I would also speak to them about it if I can. But forgive them for sure. Can you forgive someone who hurt you and still be on good terms with them? Yes, if they are being genuine with you. Some people are looking for the next opportunity to use to hurt you again, I would forgive them and wish them well but give them some distance to protect myself. One thing is for sure though, it pays to always go back to God and ask him to teach us how to forgive. I take it to God when it is easy, I also take it to God when it is hard. May God strengthen us all.

    God is the roadmap. God is the one who can heal us from the hurt that others have handed to us. Honestly, in my opinion, there is hardly any forgiveness if there has been no healing, because the victim will always look back on what happened and feel the pain again.

    The Bible says in Psalm 147:3
    “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”.

    The Bible says in Jeremiah 30:17
    “For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord, because they have called you an outcast: ‘It is Zion, for whom no one cares!”

    To anyone interested in connecting with God, I have a post that can help here:

    https://christcenteredruminations.wordpress.com/2018/08/29/how-to-build-a-relationship-with-god/ 

    You can check out the blog post above. If the information is too overwhelming for you, then you can start slow and work your way up gradually. If you want to stay updated and you want more posts from me, you can follow my blog. I post about God, faith and Christian Spirituality.

    If you ever need to talk, then send me a message on the “Contact” section of my page.

    May God be with you, Amen. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment